“They won’t let me.”  “I’ve tried in the past and it failed.”  “Why go the extra mile – no one cares.” 

I can’t tell you how often I hear comments from professionals that sound so defeatist.  I recognize that there are difficult aspects of every professional’s role – challenging colleagues, bad bosses, inflexible environments.  However, it’s sad to see how many people fall victim to constraints and personalities.

As leaders, we cannot be defined by what we can’t do – we have to develop coping mechanisms that tell us what we can do.   We determine the value we bring to the organization.  We determine the work ethic that we put forth.  We determine the quality of our performance by being prepared, exceeding standards, and proactively approaching our roles.  And we can counter difficult people by cultivating an inner discipline to tune out the negative noise. 

For any professional who is falling into a routine of blame and despair, I highly encourage you to start reading more leadership literature to give yourself some inspiration and also start challenging your routine to ensure that you overcome the status quo.  Also, re-examine your leadership behaviors and see what you can do more of to show your true value in your professional environment.  Small actions, over time, produce profound results.

I have a little book on my desk called “101 Ways to Have a Great Day at Work.”  It is a simple little book by Stephanie Goddard Davidson that shares some profound quotes and ideas about how to be your best at work.  I look at this book from time to time when I need a little inspiration.  Today was one of those days.

Today I picked up the book, flipped to a random page and found the following quote:

“The happiest people seem to be those who have no particular reason for being so except that they are so.”

- William Ralph Inge

I have to say that I needed that reminder today.  Whatever happens in life, your mood, your state of being, is defined not by the event but by how you react to it.  You can let work or life get you down – or, you can choose to be happy with who you are despite life’s sometimes challenging circumstances.

Leaders are optimistic people.  Even in the midst of turmoil and chaos, their mental attitude can help them to rise above and persevere.

Thank you to my little book for reminding me of that today.

We all have the ability to empower others – to give up a bit of personal control and to allow others the freedom to learn and grow.  The question is: do we take advantage of those opportunities or do we tell ourselves that it is more comfortable, easier or less time consuming to complete the task ourselves?

As leaders we have a duty to provide those we lead with meaningful growth experiences.  While that might mean that it takes you more time to show someone how to complete a new task or to edit their work than it would have had you completed the project yourself, the service that you provide to that individual far outweighs the minor personal sacrifice.

Make it your mission this week to find someone who is eager to grow and provide them access to your knowledge and expertise.  Pick a project that will enhance their skills and prepare them for future advancement and work on it together.

By empowering others to learn and grow within their professional environment, you can ensure that they are able to contribute on an even greater level in the future.

You encounter a problem at work.  Maybe your team missed a deadline or you have an altercation with a colleague.  Whatever the case may be, after you experience the problem what do you do next?  Do you start determining who or what is to blame?  Or, do you take a step back and wonder what role you played in the current situation.

When leaders are close enough to a problem to know about it, they attempt to understand how their own actions (or in-actions) contributed to the situation.  Instead of immediately looking to place blame, stop and ask yourself:

• Did I clearly communicate my expectations?
• What could I have done differently to avoid this situation?
• Is this situation about my own ego and my need to be right?
• What will I do in the future to ensure this doesn’t happen again?

If you want to be a leader others respect, you’ll need to develop a strong ability to be accountable, to admit when something is your fault and to own your mistakes.   Leaders resist the urge to get on the “blame bandwagon.”  It is unproductive and goes nowhere.

My 4 year old has taken up Wii Bowling.  And to my surprise, she’s pretty good.  However, as this is her first real competitive endeavor (in my opinion, Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders have too much luck involved to count), it is my first opportunity to teach her about sportsmanship.

Like any 4 year old, my daughter has definitely grasped the concept of winning v. losing.  And of course, she prefers to win (don’t we all?).  However, when she bowls, she takes the need to win to an entirely different level.  Not only does she want to win, she wants to bowl only strikes.  Anything less is unsatisfactory to her.  At first I ignored the behavior.  I thought that as she continued to play the game she would realize that strikes do not occur every time you throw the ball.  I was mistaken.  And she continues to throw a fit when she doesn’t knock all of the pins down on her first throw.

What’s even worse is that she has started to display anger when her opponent gets a strike and she does not.  So, within the last several days, I have spent a lot of time explaining to her the old adage, “It’s not whether you win or lose its how you play the game.”  Does that sink in with a 4 year old?  Only time will tell.

And now to the real point of explaining my recent parenting challenges…  I received an email a few days ago from an individual who suggested that Lead Star write a Leadership Moment about how to handle colleagues who attempt to make incentives competitions all-out war among their team members.  It seems that at this individual’s workplace some team members are more focused on doing what they can to beat each other and win the prize than they are on their own overall job performance.  What’s worse, it seems as if some team members who are uncomfortable with the cut-throat competition are opting out and choosing not to participate at all.  Obviously the incentives program is not working as intended.

It is easy to get caught up in the heat of competition.  Just like my 4 year old, everyone likes to win.  However, the inherent nature of any competition (whether a sports endeavor or a workplace incentives program) is to challenge individuals to push beyond their prior personal best.  It’s about learning, growing and personally excelling.  It’s not about beating someone else.  After all, anyone who participates in competitive sports knows that it feels much better to play your best and lose than it does to play badly and win.  Hollow victories are unsatisfying.

So how do you change those who play only to win at all costs?  You don’t (well at least not directly).  As a leader, you must understand that the only two things that you can control are your own actions and your reactions to other people’s actions.  When you learn to focus inward, constantly striving for personal improvement instead of concerning yourself with how others are playing the game, you will ultimately be successful.  As others see you succeeding they will tend to follow suit.  Leaders are role models.  And you influence healthy competition by setting the consistent example of not focusing on winning or losing but instead striving to constantly perform better than you did the day before.

As for my daughter, while she may not learn the lesson today or tomorrow, I can be sure that she will over time based on the example that I set for her.

Do you have any additional advice on how to handle colleagues who display unhealthy competitive behaviors?  We would love to hear your thoughts.